Six days of Madness; HE IS YOURS ALONE

 "I can't write as good as I can today.. for in my heart is total sadness... I can't think straight. There are teardrops rolling down my face and I can't find the exact words that can express how I truly feel."




It was a year or two since the day we first met. I can't remember the first words we spoke, the first glance we had, the first things we experienced... but I can say, I cherished the few moments we had. The guy whom my first impression of being useless and irresponsible belonged to. I haven't really appreciated him, until we became group mates. We were asked to do a play presentation portraying 'Where we came from' in our Values Education class. I was chosen to be Eve. He also played a big role in that play. I am actually not that good in remembering past. Especially when I've decided to forget it. But it makes me smile to remember a scene from that day. A memento of extreme happiness.  A moment when I realized, I was wrong. He is a good man after all. After some time, unfaithful things had happened. Wrong circles of friends, unwanted criticisms... and a lot more uncertainties. But in the middle of everything; You were my crush, I admit. The only glimpse of my freshman year was our spin the bottle game wherein I was forced to admit that fact. 

Nothing special: that's how I think you will define the first part of this article. I never intended to write something which pertains to my past school experiences... 'cause I consider it awful. Right now, I could say: "High School life is not that happy comparing to what most people told me."

Days, weeks, months.... and almost a year; that's how I calculate the time we are not close but friends. I did not expect us to be more than that. Behind my every smile are rivers of tears that brought me a frozen beating mechanism hear in my chest. I became a sort of man hater. I am a man hater! I was deceived by so many promises. And I've learned lessons from them. I started to hate every lad. Even you... I never considered you as a friend for quite some time, instead I've looked after you as a competitor. As someone whom I should defeat. Someone not supposed to be my friend.

If I am going to state every detail of our past, I would be cruel to everyone who's wise enough and interested to read this write up. So, here's lately...

All of the guys in our class are non-sense to me. They seem like plastic wrappers, cans or even just like germs and a lot more stupid stuffs. But my view changed...

It changed the moment you showed me kindness and care. The moment you saw me through in my worst. The moment you don't let me down and make me calm before I totally explode. You're like the last blossom of an exotic flower... You're the last hope. The last chance. The one and only.

4th day of March, present year. The day I disregarded the thought of seeing you as an enemy in this battle. The day I confessed to my self the hidden smiles you bring through your sweet voice. The way you make me feel secure when you're around. The day you told me you admire me too when we're on Year 1. The day you told me your first impression about me.The day when I became a semi-bitter. The day you made me blush...

The day I've determined my exact feelings I have for you.

The next day, you started to become my inspiration. You made me sing as if I was great. You made me laugh as if I've got no problems. You were knowing me better... I felt an ease in my deep flowing sadness. I was looking at every aspects to determine if there can be possibilities.

6th day of March, 2011. You make me feel better. You said I'm beautiful no matter what. You told me you hated me for I'm so kind. You said you're gonna cry if i die. Told me you're gonna miss me if I'll be missing. Asked me if I regret loving, You have hidden the mere truth that I AM JUST A FRIEND AFTER ALL.

The day after, March 7, The moment you saw me... You smiled! We were together as if we are so close. Thought I am someone to be treated as a nice friend....

8th, I cried. I've lost the thing that connects us. The thing that helped me become close to you.

And now, 9th of March year 2011. Everything was lost. It was fast. I was just looking into your brown eyes then.... sooooommmm..... NOTHING'S LEFT!

I've tried to become 'ME' in front of you. But someone got mad. Looked at me as if I was just a piece of dirt in her finger nail. Tried to shoo me away with her sophisticated eyes. She tried to pull you way distanced from me. This day, you helped me... You're with me. You're so kind and had done the good things a friend can do. But to my surprise, it was another start. Start of a messy sequence of my life. I got mad!

I've tried to cheer my self up... But I can't!!

My mind was so puzzled, I can't manage to smile. To stop this thing... I think the best way is to avoid you.

I didn't talk to you though it's hard. I've forced my self not to look at your face. Not to see you as I pass through the aisle. Not to hear your voice.

And before I totally end up everything... I find a way to spend the rest of the hours of this day to tell you things I want you to know. That conversation will be the last one we will ever have. I will not talk to you. It's hard. You said sorry and I apologized. Everything will not be the same as the way they used to be. It was destroyed by this world's cruel judgments. I did everything to talk to you, though honestly, I hesitated. I called your name for the last time. Cried the last drop of tears that I will cry because of you. Thanked you for giving a wonderful meaning of Life. 

I am hurt. I am passionate. I am truthful. I chose to forget you; not to hurt my self but to make other people happy. You told me,we both don't deserve this... and I strongly agree...

Exactly 10:15 PM and 10 sec this night. Our conversation ended. It was the last. 

"Sori tlga ha."-the last phrase he told me. 

From now on, I'll pretend as if I do not know him. As if he's not there. As if.. I don't...

Someone to forget

...as If I don't like him.



"Every story has an happy ending, if it's not yet happy; It's not yet the end.





-Justin Mae Lico Aguilar

The JS Promenade 2011; If I am not in love with you

18th day of February, year 2011; A night of celebrations, exquisite beauty and love. It was indeed an exceptional day for me, my friends and my co-leagues. But what is really exemplar with that night are my wishful thinking and my sweetest hopes.

I hope he’s there, I hope I look fine, I hope my make-up is all right, I hope everything to be ok… and hopefully, 

I wish he’d dance with me…

As I was about to step out of the car, what I felt was an uneasy psychological state or the so called nervousness. “Thank God, I am not late!” it’s an achievement for me not to be late that night. How I look like is what I am not after with… but its how he would look at me and what would he say about it.

I guess, it’s an additional tenseness if you are the one to start that big event. I was the master of the ceremony that very evening. Watching out if I muffle out words, speak up wrong details, my voice is fine and if I am in good posture. Having a glimpse of his face is enough to boost out my confidence and enough to supply me strength.

The night formally started, lights, music, ladies in their pretty gowns and gents in their tux and of course   -    him. Seeing him smile; what more can I ask for? But there’s still a question that puzzles me. Every now and then, I keep on telling myself, “NO! I’M NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM!”  But if I am not in love with him, what is this I’m going through?

Part by part, all that I think of is him. But my mind was settled out for some other things to be mindful of. As I was preparing for the grand cotillion, I was worried if I make mistakes. And in the run of the beat, I did… I did… But it was no big deal for me. Though people seems to notice and appreciate me that night, and even though some keeps on stepping on my evening dress, all I assume is what to do in case he asks me to dance.

Finally, the socials began. Fastened in my seat, don’t know if he bothers to ask but still… I admit I was hoping. –Just like any other girl in that hall, I know they were also looking forward in having that one yet incomparable dance for the night.

After some time, I felt like sitting in the corner and saying, “hmmm, he’s not planning to dance with me.” If I were to state if he was the first one, who asked me to dance that night, it would be obvious and that this whole thing would be useless.

What I eventually hated that night is this very sheepish guy. The guy who was supposed to start the fun and make up my night. Other than he made the opposite of it. But to my surprise, I felt that extraordinary feeling… the thing they so called- the spark!

The question is, to whom?

Since the shamefaced man missed his chance to dance with me, my first dance is a fun-loving guy. Second is this humorous friend of mine, followed by my past crush, my close friend’s boyfriend, then the guy that treats me like her little sister, my baby like friend, then a lot more guys… But him? Will he mind? Will he even mind to ask me for a dance?

I don’t know what to feel. Anger? Pathetic? Sadness? “Aaaaaaaahhh!!! Why do I go so foolish!

The night was about to end… I can already feel the emptiness within. A cold feeling that urges me to response to an emotional state in humans characterized as a loud utterance of emotion or known as cry.

To think that it would be a fantasy to imagine your arms around my waste… If I am not in love with you, then why can’t I explain this feeling? Why is my heart aching?

“30 minutes left!”- It makes me want to break into pieces!

“Well, I guess I have to give up.” That’s what I said to myself. I have to stop my illusion. And just as I was about to take the weight off my feet, he grabbed my hand!

I was surprised! And if he just noticed, I turned pale, it’s like my world stopped for awhile! Whooo! Can’t breath! My heart was beating so fast! Can’t believe it’s actually happening.

At last, my night was completed. Never thought the prom would be this astonishing. It was a night to learn by heart. You may think, it’s nothing special… It’s just a dance. An artistic form of nonverbal communication- a moment when I told him everything I can’t tell. A moment when I, I asked myself again… “If I am not in love with you… then why do you make me smile like no other man can do?”

Who’s that guy?

Well, he has a sweet nature befitting an angel.

Him and I

Ang JS Prom 2011; Kung hindi kita mahal

Ika-18 ng Perero taong 2011; Isang gabi ng selebrasyon, gabi ng pinagsama-samang kagandahan at pagmamahal. Tunay ngang ang araw na yon ay isang di malilimutang araw para sa akin, sa aking mga kaibigan at sa iba ko pang mga kamag-aral. Pero ang totoong kakaiba sa gabing iyon, ay ang aking mga mapaglunggating pag-iisip at ang aking matatamis na pagbabakasakali.

Sana nandun siya, sana ayos lang ang damit ko, Sana maganda din ang pakakaayos sa akin, Sana maging okey ang lahat… at sana,     

 sana isayaw niya ako…

Nang hahakbang na ko palabas sa sasakyan, nakaramdam ako ng isang hindi mapalagay na pisolohikal na estado ng tao o ang tinatawag nilang nerbyos. “Salamat sa diyos! Di ako late!”  isang pambihirang katuparan para sa akin ang hindi mahuli ng gabing yaon. Hindi ang kung ano ang itsura ko ang bumabagabag sa akin sahalip ay ang kung ano ang sasabihin niya kapag nakita nya ako ang syang pinaguukulan ko ng attensyon.

Sa tingin ko, mas higit pa ang kaba lalo na kung ikaw ang magpapaumpisa nh ganong kalaking pagtitipon. Ako ang host ng mga oras na iyon. Nagiingat na hindi magkamali, iniisip kong ayos nab a ang boses ko o ayos lng ba ang pakakatayo ko. Isang sulyap ko lang sa kanyang maamong mukha ay sulit na para lumakas ang aking loob.

Pormal na ngang nagsimula ang gabi, handa na ang ilaw, ang musika, mha naggagandahang diag sa kanilang gowns, mga  matitikas na lalaki sa kanilang mga tuxedo at syempre – siya. Ang makita siyang ngumiti; ano pa nga bang mahihingi ko? Pero mayroon paring isang katanungan na paikot-ikot sa aking isipan. Maya-maya, sinasabi ko sa aking sarili, “Hindi, hindi mo sya mahal!” Ngunit kung hindi  ko sya minamahal, ano itong pinagdaraanan ko?

Bawat sandali, iniisip ko siya. Ngunit kinakailangan ko pang ituon ang aking panahon sa mga bagay na nagaganap nung prom. Habang naghahanda para sa cotillion, nagaalala ako at baka mamali ako. At ng nagsimula na ang tugtog, Nagkamali ako.. nagkamali ako… Pero hindi iyon malaking isyu para sa akin. Kahit na maraming nakakatapak sa gown ko, ang pinagtatanto ko ay kung ano ang gagawin ko sa oras na yayain nya ako at isayaw.

Sa wakas, binuksan na ang socials. Tila nakasinturon sa aking upuan, inaamin ko… umaasa ako. Gaya ng iba pang mga dalaga sa apat na sulok ng hall na iyon, nagiintay ako para sa isang sinple ngunit hinid maikukumaparang sayaw sa gabing iyon.

Matapos ang ilang sandali, nakaramdam ako ng damdamin na tumulak sa akin para masabing, “hmmm, wala syang balak na isayaw ako.” Kung sasabihin ko kung siya ba ang unang sumayaw sa akin ng gabing iyon, magiging madali na sa inyo ang hulaan kung sino iyon at mawawalan na ng saysay ang paglalahad na ito.

Kung ano ang pinakakinaiinisan ko ng gabing yun ay itong napakatorpeng lalaki. Ang lalaking siya sanang magiging first dance ko… Siya sana tong maguumpisa ng saya at kukumpleto sa gabi ko. Kabaiktaran ang ginawa niya. Pero sa aking pagkagulat, nakaramdam ako ng isang di natural na pakiramdam., naramdaman ko ang bagay na kung tawagin ng iba ay – kuryente!

Ang tanong ay kung kanino?

At ng mawala sa kamay ng torpeng binata ang makasayaw ako, ang nagging una kong kasayaw ay isang nakakatuwang magmahal na lalaki, pangalawa ay ang nakakatawa kong kaibigan, sumunod ang aking dating hinahangaan, ang kasintahan ng matalik kong kaibigan, ang lalaking itinuturing akong nakababatang kapatid, at marami pang ibang binata.Pero siya? Maiisipan niya kaya? Maiisipan niya din kaya akong isayaw?

Hindi ko alam ang dapat kong maramdaman! Galit? Pagkalungkot, kaawaan ang aking sarili? “Aaaaaaaahhh!!! Bakit ako nababalisa ng ganito?!

Matatapos na ang gabi, nararamdaman ko na ang pagkatigang sa loob. Ang malamig na pakiramdam na nagdudulot sa akin na humantong sa isang reaksyong emosyonal ng mga tao na nakakarikterasa sa malakas na pagsasawalang kibo ng emosyon o mas kilala sa pag-iyak

Ang isipin na nasa bewang ko ang kanyang mga kamay … Kung hindi kita mahal, Bakit hindi ko maipaliwanag ang aking nararamdaman? Bakit ako nasasaktan?

“30 minutes left!”- Gusto ko ng mabasag sa maliliit na piraso.!

“Sa tingin ko, kailangan ko ng tumigil..” Yan ang sinabi ko sa sarili ko.. Kailangan ko ng itigil ang pagpapantasiya. At ng balak ko ng maupo, hinila niya ang kamay ko.

Nagulat ako! At kung hindi niya napansin, namutla ako, parang huminto ng sandali ang oras at mundo ko. Whooo! Hindi ako makahinga! Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko! Hindi ako makapaniwalang nangyayari yoon.
Sa wakas, nakumpleto din ang gabi ko. Hindi ko inaakalang magiging ganun ka di malilimutanan ang prom. Isa itong gabing dapat na maalala ng puso. Marahil masasabi niyong, walang espesyal… sayaw lang yun. Isang anyo ng hinid pasalitang pag-uusap- sandali na nasabi ko sakanya lahat ng hindi ko masabi sa pamamagitan ng mga salita. Sandaling tinanong ko ang aking sarili, “Kung hindi kita mahal…. Eh bakit napapangiti mo ko ng sobra na hindi kayang gawin ng iba?”

Sino ang lalaking yaon?

Siya, siya ay isang matamis na anghel na depinisyon ng saliatng pagmamahal.

..."Kung hindi kita mahal..."

isinulat ni: Justin Mae Lico Aguilar

Reasons to love Someone

I keep on asking some people, why do they love me...  But they say,"I can't find the exact words to explain it." Then, I asked my self... What's the reason to love someone? And while thinking about him, I've learned some of the million reasons to love someone...

Justin Aguilar

 1. Because you acquire the most magnificent smile I've ever witnessed

 2. Because through all my imperfections, you still find me perfect.

 3. Because you always say the right things.

 4. Because no matter what I do erroneous, you can't get mad at me.

 5. Because you assume I could by no means do something wrong.

 6. Because you make me feel so safe in your arms

 7. Because you make my heart leap when I see you

 8. Because you are the most straightforward person I know

 9. Because you and I can speak about no matter which

10. Because you make me feel whole
written by: Justin Mae Lico Agular

"Him" and Justin Aguilar

What I learned from My Parents

Since my parents divorced, I lived with my mom life to death. Grew up under her skirt but soon learned to come out of my shell. But all these years, all I’ve lived with ended up to what keeps us alive. Mom is paralyzed-age 34 while I work-age 17.

Living with dad away taught me how to answer the phone, send out mails and receive packages. Back when I’m 6 mother carries me around her office where she writes, edits, and prepares electronic documents. Sitting around the corner I always send Daddy faxes. And so the story goes.

Inspired by the words “Study Hard”, I graduated college at 16. And with this acceleration at school, companies put me on the top of their lists. But living this life isn’t that easy, an accident made my life miserable. A betrayal perhaps, during our commencement, a friend or should I say ex-friend set us up to a car accident.

And so my mom can’t work and I’ve got to find job as much as possible. A job not needing months of trainings but can give immediate hiring. And so I contact those companies that offered me high ranked jobs and luckily most responded and asked me to come for an interview. But I have no time and the hospital is giving me more pressure. Then, a supportive company that knew about my situation hired me as an Administrative Assistant.

Job is easy, answering the phone, filing documents, Data entry, researching and almost same job with my mom before. What’s the difference? My daily salary is greater than my mom’s monthly salary. Food and bills all paid by my company plus beneficiary bucks for me. Anyway, they should have to, because as a confidant knowing almost everything about the company, confidentiality is what it takes to stay.

All thanks to my Mom and Dad. I may have bodyguards, live in luxury and don’t have much concern with what I may be needing the next day but I sure wish they’re still together and that’s when I can say I’m truly happy.

written by: Justin Mae Lico Aguilar

-a product of my mischievous imagination.

Being Inspirational

Assuming your the topnotcher, write an inspirational message to your classmates who are not doing well.

Justin Mae Lico Aguilar

If I'm the topnotcher, my message would be:

Believing that you can be the best, is the first step that can surely help you to strive and have the courage to study. I admit, being on top is never easy... You have to make effort and always make sure that you maintain your grades. Studying in City High is indeed hard. But having a strategic way of studying, having a good time management and knowing your priorities; you'll see in yourself that you could do better.

I believe none of us here are not good in class, it's just that sometimes, we let laziness rule. Receiving negative feed backs from your parents may have been putting you down every now and then... but what's the good thing to do about it is to get up and do more. If you think preparing assignments, completing your notes and having a perfect attendance is enough, well actually it isn't. What you need is a capital letter E which stands for 'Effort'.

Listening. The first basic factor you must learn to do. Through it, you can pick up words of wisdom and perhaps it can change your view in life. In some stories I've heard, some student's does not want to be noticed by their parents, teachers or friends at all times. But based on my experiences, no matter how hard it is for you to believe, listening can help you in a lot of ways.

Think positively. That's the next one you need to practice. Having bad vibes around you is not a clever idea. Thinking positively gives a big hand when it comes to setting goals. In aiming high, you must set your goals and try your best to fulfill everything. A great example would be- finishing our book of life. Our ultimate mission is to comply with all the needed contents that will make this complete. Without a positive mind, we'll never have a positive outcome.

Be brave. Never let your weaknesses put you down. Always remember that there are always persons who can help us in times of deep crisis. Be brave enough to stand up again. You may lose everything that you pursued with sweat and tears sometimes, and incase that happens to you, always be strong enough to overcome it. Never take it as the end.

Never lose hope. Undetermined persons never succeed in their lives. Do not give up! Grades may be the reason for people to say something about you, but despite that take note: 'Grades are just numbers.' It doesn't really measure  how smart you are. Because it is a fact that you can never measure a man's wisdom through reading his report card.

The last thing you must not forget is- Hard work. It is the sum of everything. If you're hard working enough, I bet you can also be the own star you want to see lighting up it's flare on the sky. Listen, be optimistic, and do not lose hope; those are some pointers you must note.

Guys, in being the best that you can be, you must do everything that you can do. It's never to late to change. There is still tomorrow, do better- start now!

Blogger: New writer’s best friend

Have you ever felt the need of having a friend? Someone to boost out what you feel and experienced or something that can treasure your thoughts for a lifetime? 

A certain way to express one’s deepest self, record thoughts and ideas that take part in many different functions is the diary. Diaries are extremely varied, from business notes, to records of weather and day after day individual events, to personal searches of the human psyche. It is a record formerly in handwritten set-up with distinct entries organized by date reporting on what has come to pass over the track of a sunlight hours or further time. They may possibly also be embark on for organizational purposes that play a role in many features of human society, as well as government documentations, commerce ledgers and military records. 

They’ve been people’s best friend for a long time. But as years pass by, people changed all the way through their habits of living and trending. At the present time only a small number of individual may have it due to busyness and lack of time. But within this transformation is the creation of high technologies that are said to be helpful in our living. A component of it includes an extension of the term diary which means a printed publication of a written diary and may also refer to other terms of journal including electronic formats known as blogs.

Blog is a form of website, frequently maintained by a being with usual entries of commentary, similes of actions, or additional matter for instance graphics or video. Entries are usually put on show in invalidate-sequential order. Through this, writing what you feel is effortless and uncomplicated. Plus you can place styles and backgrounds that you like to fill in your blog with the spirit of your emotions.

At the present time and age, blogging is the newest best friend of the era. A person can type in his own opinions in a blog. Web sites may it be all the way through an online account such as  Blogspot, Multiply, Friendster, Facebook, and MySpace makes it easy for you to check over piece of writings or articles over and over as much as possible, as a result decreasing the requirement of writing materials. Blogging is essential that in a minimal time, your blog is accessible for understanding or browsing on the Internet. Blogging now helps to throw light on the design of writing in all-purpose seeing that it is not restricted to any further extent to authors and writers of publications and tabloids.

It is possible to write blogs regarding to manufactured goods, tourists spots,historical places, events, occasions, books, eating places, cafés, restaurants, employment, job openings, auditions,  casting calls, animals, home and health, scriptures and religious gatherings or groups concerning God. Posting poems, stories and important dealings are moreover achievable. That’s why blogging is also considered a helpful source of information.

Blogging does not intend to replace paper works (newspaper, tabloids and magazines) though it is nearly possible. Nevertheless blogging will surely be known at this point and will keep on dominating till the coming years.

by: Justin Mae Lico Aguilar