18th day of February, year 2011; A night of celebrations, exquisite beauty and love. It was indeed an exceptional day for me, my friends and my co-leagues. But what is really exemplar with that night are my wishful thinking and my sweetest hopes.
I hope he’s there, I hope I look fine, I hope my make-up is all right, I hope everything to be ok… and hopefully,
I wish he’d dance with me…
As I was about to step out of the car, what I felt was an uneasy psychological state or the so called nervousness. “Thank God, I am not late!” it’s an achievement for me not to be late that night. How I look like is what I am not after with… but its how he would look at me and what would he say about it.
I guess, it’s an additional tenseness if you are the one to start that big event. I was the master of the ceremony that very evening. Watching out if I muffle out words, speak up wrong details, my voice is fine and if I am in good posture. Having a glimpse of his face is enough to boost out my confidence and enough to supply me strength.
The night formally started, lights, music, ladies in their pretty gowns and gents in their tux and of course - him. Seeing him smile; what more can I ask for? But there’s still a question that puzzles me. Every now and then, I keep on telling myself, “NO! I’M NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM!” But if I am not in love with him, what is this I’m going through?
Part by part, all that I think of is him. But my mind was settled out for some other things to be mindful of. As I was preparing for the grand cotillion, I was worried if I make mistakes. And in the run of the beat, I did… I did… But it was no big deal for me. Though people seems to notice and appreciate me that night, and even though some keeps on stepping on my evening dress, all I assume is what to do in case he asks me to dance.
Finally, the socials began. Fastened in my seat, don’t know if he bothers to ask but still… I admit I was hoping. –Just like any other girl in that hall, I know they were also looking forward in having that one yet incomparable dance for the night.
After some time, I felt like sitting in the corner and saying, “hmmm, he’s not planning to dance with me.” If I were to state if he was the first one, who asked me to dance that night, it would be obvious and that this whole thing would be useless.
What I eventually hated that night is this very sheepish guy. The guy who was supposed to start the fun and make up my night. Other than he made the opposite of it. But to my surprise, I felt that extraordinary feeling… the thing they so called- the spark!
The question is, to whom?
Since the shamefaced man missed his chance to dance with me, my first dance is a fun-loving guy. Second is this humorous friend of mine, followed by my past crush, my close friend’s boyfriend, then the guy that treats me like her little sister, my baby like friend, then a lot more guys… But him? Will he mind? Will he even mind to ask me for a dance?
I don’t know what to feel. Anger? Pathetic? Sadness? “Aaaaaaaahhh!!! Why do I go so foolish!
The night was about to end… I can already feel the emptiness within. A cold feeling that urges me to response to an emotional state in humans characterized as a loud utterance of emotion or known as cry.
To think that it would be a fantasy to imagine your arms around my waste… If I am not in love with you, then why can’t I explain this feeling? Why is my heart aching?
“30 minutes left!”- It makes me want to break into pieces!
“Well, I guess I have to give up.” That’s what I said to myself. I have to stop my illusion. And just as I was about to take the weight off my feet, he grabbed my hand!
I was surprised! And if he just noticed, I turned pale, it’s like my world stopped for awhile! Whooo! Can’t breath! My heart was beating so fast! Can’t believe it’s actually happening.
At last, my night was completed. Never thought the prom would be this astonishing. It was a night to learn by heart. You may think, it’s nothing special… It’s just a dance. An artistic form of nonverbal communication- a moment when I told him everything I can’t tell. A moment when I, I asked myself again… “If I am not in love with you… then why do you make me smile like no other man can do?”
Who’s that guy?
Well, he has a sweet nature befitting an angel.
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| Him and I |
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